


Gift Shopping

by TheOriginalLovelace



Series: Femslash Yuletide 2013 (2020) [12]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Christmas Shopping, Cussing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/F, Femslash Yuletide, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Mild Language, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Worth Issues, Shopping, Shopping Malls
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:34:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28075518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheOriginalLovelace/pseuds/TheOriginalLovelace
Summary: "You just...you don't seem all that interested," she says haltingly and Faith just about breaks her own neck in her hurry to try and fix the mess she's made."I'm sorry," she says in a rush of breath because, even after all the practice she's had since prison, she still doesn't like the way those words taste on her tongue.Rated M for language because it's better to be safe than sorry.
Relationships: Faith Lehane/Buffy Summers
Series: Femslash Yuletide 2013 (2020) [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2036977
Comments: 4
Kudos: 51





	Gift Shopping

They've been at the mall for all of five minutes before Faith not only realizes but also truly understands that she has absolutely no idea what the fuck she's doing here.

Because unlike Buffy, she's never done this before. She doesn't have fond memories of window-shopping with a pack of girlfriends, giggling about boys and lip gloss flavors or whatever the hell it is girls that age are always giggling about. She never spent hours with her mom searching for an off-the-rack but still one-of-a-kind dress that would make her cookie-cutter boytoy swoon. She's never been that kid, that girl, that lucky. Those memories aren't included in the chapters of Faith Lehane's story and she's made her peace with that, really she has. She's over blaming other people for the shitty hand she was dealt - it is what it is and, even if it's fucked up, it still happened, no take-backs - and she isn't looking for anybody's pity either. But at times like this, times when it seems like everybody else in the world knows what to do and how to do it, it gets a little harder to remember that she really  _ is _ done wasting her time being bitter about the what-ifs and could've-beens. 

Mostly because Faith's a newly minted twenty-goddamn-five years old and, for fuck's sake, she should know what it's like to go Christmas shopping with her girlfriend. 

But she doesn't. 

Because Faith's never really been shopping, not like this anyway. Sure she's bought stuff before, groceries and clothes and the occasional wholesale weapon, past few years she's even picked up a gift or two, but she's never had a full-on Shopping Experience™. And she's sure as hell never had an entire goddamn list of people she cares enough about to spend hours searching racks and scanning shelves for that ever-elusive perfect something. Thing is, she really doesn't know how to tell Buffy any of this, how to explain in words exactly how fucked up she is, how fucked up her life is, and, honestly, she isn't entirely sure she'd tell her even if she  _ did _ have the words to do it. Partly because she loves Buffy - Faith loves her more than she's ever loved anyone or anything - and the telling would hurt Buffy more than the memories have ever hurt her and partly because she doesn't wanna ruin what should be a nice, normal, couple-y moment with her baggage. She doesn't wanna be the reason she stops smiling that cute little smile and babbling about this and that and 'oh my god is that a Frosty Christmas sweater?!' 

But Buffy isn't exactly making it easy for her to keep the truth to herself. Because Faith would be fine carrying bags and trailing along behind her girlfriend like the lovesick rescue-dog she is but apparently that isn't good enough because Buffy won't stop asking her questions. And not the easy questions Faith's already learned how to answer like, 'How does this look?' (Great; bet it'll look even better on my floor) or 'Do you think this would survive patrol?' (Not a chance, B, but buy it anyway). 

No, she's asking things like, 'Do you think Will would like this sweater?' As if Faith knows anything about what Red likes besides pussy, magic, and rooms they aren't in at the same time. Or 'Dawn would look great in this, right?' Well, Dawnie's smoking hot so she probably looks good in anything. (Faith might only have the hots for Buffy but, come on, she's not a blind nun). So she's left feeling like one of those stupid bobblehead things (because, hey, she may not know what she's doing but at leaat she's learned how to keep her goddamn mouth shut) and she knows Buffy's getting more and more disappointed with every stupid nod and halfhearted 'yeah, sure' but she doesn't know what else to  _ do _ and-

Buffy sighs, looking back at her over her shoulder. "We can call it a day, if you want."

And boy-fucking-howdy does Faith ever want to leap on that offer and ride it all the way back to Casa de Slayer. But she doesn't. Because Buffy's got that look - the one that could make kicked puppies sad, all big green eyes and pouty pink lips - and she knows from experience that she'd do just about anything to wipe it off her face. "S'okay, B, I don't mind. Take yer time."

She's barely made it halfway through before Buffy starts chewing on the inside of her cheek and Faith feels her heart rate pick up for reasons altogether unrelated to her libido because she knows that look means nothing but trouble (and not the good kind of trouble, the kind she cut her teeth on long before she had Slayer-strength to back up her fists and snarling/smirking/too-smart-but-never-smart-enough mouth). No, this is the other kind of trouble, the kind that usually leaves her tongue tied and itching to punch something because she's always been good at that.

"You just...you don't seem all that interested," she says haltingly and Faith just about breaks her own neck in her hurry to try and fix the mess she's made. Fuck if that isn't her life all over...

"I'm sorry," she says in a rush of breath because, even after all the practice she's had since prison, bloody stakes, and body-swaps, she still doesn't like the way those words taste on her tongue. "I mean it, B. I just…" She switches all the bags to her left hand so she can drag the right through her hair. "I don't really know what I'm doin' here."

And Buffy draws back, in, and her eyes are evern wider and now it looks like she might cry and fucking hell she's just making it  _ worse _ \- "I wanna be with ya, B. Buffy. Here, there, anywhere, always. An' I know this is, like, yer thing an' all but I've never," she swallows so hard she worries about swallowing her tongue. "I've never really done this before an' I just didn't wanna mess it up."

Buffy's lips part in a surprised 'o' and Faith braces herself for whatever comes next. A round of probing questions, maybe, or a flood of heartfelt apologies, she's honestly not sure what to expect. What she absolutely  _ does not _ expect is for Buffy to reach out, clasping her free hand in both of hers and squeezing it tight. " _ Faith _ …"

She closes her eyes and shudders, actually fucking  _ shudders _ , because,  _ Jesus-fucking-Christ _ , her name's always been Faith but no one's  _ ever _ said it like a prayer. 

"...you didn't mess anything up, I swear."

She lets out a breath she hadn't realized she's been holding and sucks in another, lungs as greedy as her newly opened eyes. "But B-"

"No." Buffy says, her voice brooking no arguments, not that that's ever actually stopped her before. "I mean it, Faith. You haven't messed up anything, not one thing, you understand?"

She doesn't answer, doesn't even know if she can, but Buffy doesn't let up, doesn't let it go. "Do you understand?" she asks again, her voice pitched low, like pillow-side whispers and grave-side vows. And Faith has no idea, not a single solitary clue, how she made those words sound so much like 'I love you' but, God help her, she wants to learn.

So she nods, stuttering and stiff, and squeezes Buffy's hands the best she can. "I understand," she says at last and her voice comes out hoarse like she's been crying, or maybe screaming, and she doesn't have the heart to wonder why. 

Buffy doesn't say anything at first, just stands there looking at her and holding her hand. And, when she does speak, her words are soft and undeniably earnest. "Do you want to go home?" she asks.

And she's so fucking sincere Faith has to blink away tears because she knows Buffy would drag them to the parking lot right now if that's what she wanted and even though Faith can only think of a handful of people in her entire life who've ever bothered to put her first, Buffy does it like it's easy, like it's what everyone elae should've been doing all along. And she wants to laugh and cry and scream and, Christ almighty, she could live a million years and still never be good enough for Buffy. And, no, maybe she can't do any of that but she can do this. "Nah, B," she says, offering her a smile that sits a little shakily on her lips. "I'm good. Let's get back to it."

"You're  _ sure _ you're alright?" And usually that bothers her, the double checking, makes her feel defensive, like she's not being trusted or believed, but it's different with Buffy. Maybe because Faith knows she's not asking out of disbelief or obligation but out of love.

And maybe that's why, when Faith smiles a second time, it doesn't waver and, for the first time in what feels like days, she feels like herself when she says, "Five by five."

It's slow to start at first, but when Buffy smiles back she doesn't stop until her whole face is lit up like a goddamn Christmas tree and she just might be the single most beautiful thing Faith's ever seen. 

Buffy lets one hand drop but keeps hold of Faith's with the other, entwining their fingers as she half-leads half-steers them toward the next group of stores and, no, maybe Faith doesn't know what she's doing here but she can learn. 

And maybe, just maybe, if the tightness of their entwined hands can be believed, Buffy doesn't mind being the one to teach her. 

**Author's Note:**

> I adore how this turned out, tbh, and I hope you do to!


End file.
